It’s hard to believe Ruby is already four months old. Two more of these, and she’ll be a year old. Now I understand why people with 21-year-olds say how fast time flies, how just yesterday those collegians were in diapers.

I watch my parents with Ruby, and I can see they love not only her but what she represents – another chance to snuggle the baby that was me and is now a prickly grown-up. My mother gets a certain tone in her voice when she says, “She has your smile,” and it makes me feel a little sad because I know one day I will be the mom to a grown woman, no longer my angel baby girl.

We went to Ruby’s 4-month check-up yesterday, and everything was perfect again. She is 13 lbs. 9 oz. and 24.5 inches long, 50th percentile, and she’s never been sick. She wears 3-6 months clothes; she is long in the torso and outgrows things first there and in the chunky-thigh region. A couple of weeks ago, she learned how to roll over from back to front, and now whenever you lay her down, she immediately rolls over but then gets stuck there because she can’t figure out how to return to her back. She chews on everything (“She’s gnawing on my thumb like corn on the cob!” D says), drools like a faucet, but the doctor says she can’t feel any teeth getting ready to come in. We gave her her first bite of rice cereal, and she gobbled it up like a pro. She can sit up leaning forward propped on her hands (though she topples over after a while, so you have to stay close to catch her). She sleeps 5-6.5 hours at a stretch most nights, and she’s getting a little better about resisting naps. Just in the past week, she has become more smiley, more interactive, stronger and more nimble with grabbing things and stuffing them in her mouth. She no longer pitches fits on every car ride (just occasionally), and instead chats loudly with herself and then falls asleep.

There is nothing whatsoever wrong with my sweet pea, but I’m a little stressed anyway. This is our peak season at work (shameless plug: Candy Apple Costumes), so I try to work in every spare moment, and it stresses me out when Ruby won’t nap or demands that I hold her and let her chew on the knuckle of my left thumb. I’ve been feeling unreasonably anxious lately – the sleeping thing, and also just worrying constantly. I worry the house will be robbed and my computer will be stolen. I worry when D runs into the gas station that someone will come steal the car with me and Ruby in it. I worry when D comes home 5 minutes late that he’s had a car accident. I worry someone will attack me while I’m out with Ruby, and how will I protect her? I worry the website won’t make as much money as last year, and since I’m in charge of advertising, it will be my fault.

I’m hoping that after Halloween, I’ll be able to mellow out. We’ll take more walks outside (Ruby loves the outdoors), I’ll go see more movies (Harry Potter is coming out in November!!!), I’ll get to scrapbook again (when my scrapbooking friend Wendy takes care of Ruby for me, and I get a much-needed break). Maybe we’ll go on a mini-vacation.

Until then, I’m trying to take deep breaths, talk myself out of my worries, and focus on snuggling my sweet girl. Only eight more months till she’s a big girl, running around and talking and stuff. I want to enjoy her babyhood instead of crossing my fingers she’ll stay quiet watching Caillou for just a few more minutes.

posted by K | filed under Ruby | 8 Comments

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