It’s hard to believe Ruby is already four months old. Two more of these, and she’ll be a year old. Now I understand why people with 21-year-olds say how fast time flies, how just yesterday those collegians were in diapers.

I watch my parents with Ruby, and I can see they love not only her but what she represents – another chance to snuggle the baby that was me and is now a prickly grown-up. My mother gets a certain tone in her voice when she says, “She has your smile,” and it makes me feel a little sad because I know one day I will be the mom to a grown woman, no longer my angel baby girl.

We went to Ruby’s 4-month check-up yesterday, and everything was perfect again. She is 13 lbs. 9 oz. and 24.5 inches long, 50th percentile, and she’s never been sick. She wears 3-6 months clothes; she is long in the torso and outgrows things first there and in the chunky-thigh region. A couple of weeks ago, she learned how to roll over from back to front, and now whenever you lay her down, she immediately rolls over but then gets stuck there because she can’t figure out how to return to her back. She chews on everything (“She’s gnawing on my thumb like corn on the cob!” D says), drools like a faucet, but the doctor says she can’t feel any teeth getting ready to come in. We gave her her first bite of rice cereal, and she gobbled it up like a pro. She can sit up leaning forward propped on her hands (though she topples over after a while, so you have to stay close to catch her). She sleeps 5-6.5 hours at a stretch most nights, and she’s getting a little better about resisting naps. Just in the past week, she has become more smiley, more interactive, stronger and more nimble with grabbing things and stuffing them in her mouth. She no longer pitches fits on every car ride (just occasionally), and instead chats loudly with herself and then falls asleep.

There is nothing whatsoever wrong with my sweet pea, but I’m a little stressed anyway. This is our peak season at work (shameless plug: Candy Apple Costumes), so I try to work in every spare moment, and it stresses me out when Ruby won’t nap or demands that I hold her and let her chew on the knuckle of my left thumb. I’ve been feeling unreasonably anxious lately – the sleeping thing, and also just worrying constantly. I worry the house will be robbed and my computer will be stolen. I worry when D runs into the gas station that someone will come steal the car with me and Ruby in it. I worry when D comes home 5 minutes late that he’s had a car accident. I worry someone will attack me while I’m out with Ruby, and how will I protect her? I worry the website won’t make as much money as last year, and since I’m in charge of advertising, it will be my fault.

I’m hoping that after Halloween, I’ll be able to mellow out. We’ll take more walks outside (Ruby loves the outdoors), I’ll go see more movies (Harry Potter is coming out in November!!!), I’ll get to scrapbook again (when my scrapbooking friend Wendy takes care of Ruby for me, and I get a much-needed break). Maybe we’ll go on a mini-vacation.

Until then, I’m trying to take deep breaths, talk myself out of my worries, and focus on snuggling my sweet girl. Only eight more months till she’s a big girl, running around and talking and stuff. I want to enjoy her babyhood instead of crossing my fingers she’ll stay quiet watching Caillou for just a few more minutes.

posted by K | filed under Ruby | 8 Comments

Comments

8 Responses to “One Third of a Year”

  1. t in hd on October 6th, 2010 1:52 am

    Keep a close eye on yourself and your fears. I couldn’t possibly say that this case but I suffered two bouts of really nasty post-partum depression, after the birth of my first child and after the birth of my fourth. PPD can rear it’s ugly head anytime in the first year, not just right after birth. Anyway, the biggest symptom of PPD after my fourth baby was the worry…the fear, actually. I was anxious, worried, terrified at times. With both cases of PPD, I got the treatment I needed and things are fine now. Again, I’m not saying this is the case for you. Simple sleep deprivation is enough to cause a person to become anxious and worried. I just mention this for you to tuck into the not-so-far-back of your mind and warn you to just keep an eye on things. If it doesn’t “blow over” soon, take a closer look and even talk to your doctor.

    Ruby is gorgeous!

  2. Kathy on October 6th, 2010 7:23 am

    I agree with the post above. It started for me around 2 months old. I was afraid that the baby would get into the knife drawer! Doesn’t make sense now but it was very real then and I had a huge break down at my parents house. Luckly it went away before I needed medication. Just ask your family to keep a watchful eye on you and step in if needed.

    Ruby is beautiful and seeing her pictures reminds me of when mine were little. Your are so right, time does fly. Hold that baby close and long as you can… pretty soon she’ll be too big!

    Enjoy your baby – it looks like you and your husband are totally in love with your new family.
    Kathy

  3. t in hd on October 6th, 2010 2:22 pm

    Yes, I’m commenting again. I just perused your Flicker pics and OMGosh, am I in love with your little cherub! She is sooooooo yummy, she could be a model baby.

  4. Teresa on October 7th, 2010 7:32 am

    I too looked at the pictures and that is one seriously cute baby. My husband, whose people are from Eutaw also wears Alabama shirts. People ask him every now and then why a Missourian is rooting for the Crimson Tide.
    I know that stress and lack of sleep can work on you. Being a retired teacher, I can relate on both accounts. Talk about it to some one. It really does help to share. We humans are meant to relate to each other and too help share the load. Hold that baby and enjoy the time with her. She will grow up knowing she is loved. My granddaughter is 6 and you just know that she gets it that she is doted upon. Sometimes she gets it all too well, but she is a jewel.

  5. Tracy on October 7th, 2010 8:58 am

    These unreasonable fears will come up from time to time. You are doing a great job. Ruby could not be in better environment. When A was a baby it snowed. He could not even crawl yet and I worried that somehow he would get outside in the night and freeze. He slept in the bed with me until the snow was gone. Then just a few weeks ago I came up with the totally unreasonable idea that while he was playing in our yard a car would fly into the neighborhood, jump the ditch, zoom up the hill and run him over. Being a mom is tough.

  6. Jillbert on October 8th, 2010 6:27 am

    What a darling little girl!! I wanted to chime in to keep an eye on PPD. Excessive anxiety can be a sign of it. So be extra kind to yourself. Get some extra sleep, take a breather from the baby, and try to manage the work stress. Time does fly — enjoy that little one!

  7. Emily on October 8th, 2010 6:28 pm

    Ruby is a beauty! (I love those cheeks.)

    I was never so worried about things until I had children. My oldest is in 4th grade, and I still get worried dropping him off at school. I think it’s a natural mama thing. . . your instincts just kick in, I guess. We have to balance it with common sense. (And I think that’s also a good reason God gave children fathers who NEED to be present.)

    Sometimes, what you may think is a seemingly irrational fear may actually prove to be an instinct you need to listen to. At least that is what I’ve experienced.

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