Sunday, May 30th, 2010
Not-so-bright and early tomorrow morning, D and I will be heading to the hospital to get this show on the road. Last night I dreamed Ruby was here, and she had light brown hair and D’s nose and was perfect and wonderful in every way.
In addition to the excitement of finally seeing her, I keep hitting new levels of misery every few days, so I’m really glad the end/beginning is so near. I think she might’ve actually dropped in the last couple of days (also, that was the first thing my mom said when she saw me yesterday), and I’ve been having stronger – yet still random – contractions, and I now walk like an aging, arthritic duck.
Also, getting so close to the induction date, it seems like danger is lurking around every corner. We’re almost there, and I’m still waiting for the other shoe to drop.
I’ve had a couple of near freak-outs this weekend. My blood pressure had been good for the past two weeks, so I let my bed rest slack a bit, and woke up in the middle of the night with sore, swollen hands and a mild-high blood pressure of 140/91 Friday night. The next morning, it was 154/87, which is about the highest it’s been, and I’d gained 3.5 pounds in like two days, so I knew I must be retaining a lot of water.
I did some frantic pre-eclampsia research online, which indicated everything was still okay, so I decided to go ahead with plans to go to Mom and Dad’s yesterday. I spent most of the day relaxing – went floating (swimming is much too vigorous a term for it) and drank lots of water, and today my hands are less swollen and my weight is back down again.
Then I’ve been worrying because the baby hasn’t been moving nearly as much as usual. The last few days, she’s barely moved at all – definitely not the visible-belly-moving somersaults I’m used to – but I reminded myself that I’d heard babies often slow down before delivery. When she still wasn’t moving this morning, I couldn’t sleep anymore and had to get up and turn to my dear friend Google again for answers.
Apparently, some babies do move less before delivery, but a significant drop in movement is still cause for concern. So that really didn’t ease my mind, and I was debating whether to call and leave a message with the doctor, when I felt a good, strong series of kicks. Since then, she’s been moving fairly regularly all day, just as vigorously as before, so I feel a lot better, at least better enough to make it till we get to the hospital tomorrow!
Today, D finally had to order me to sit in the recliner and stop trying to help him with the last-minute cleaning/decluttering. All but two minor things have been scratched off our long list of things to do before the baby comes, but suddenly every magazine lying on a tabletop and every stray cardboard box is like nails on a chalkboard to me, and it’s driving me insane having to sit here and “relax” instead of leaping up to go on a whirlwind cleaning spree. I guess this is what they mean by nesting.
Right now, D is dutifully vacuuming every corner of the house. In the last few days, he has installed the diaper sprayer on the toilet in preparation for cloth diapering; hung the mobile over the crib, the around-the-world alphabet painting over the mantel, and the elephant chalkboard over the changing table; and we’ve assembled the swing, the stroller, the vibrate-y seat, and the Amby Baby hammock for our room. The hospital bags are packed (three of them – one for our clothes and stuff, one for the baby’s clothes and stuff, and one for my laptop, camera, video camera, chargers, etc.), the car seat is installed by our brother-in-law the fireman, the bottle nipples are sterilized, the laundry is done.
When Ruby gets here, we will be as prepared for her as two people who have no clue how to care for a newborn can be.
Still, I feel anxious, like there’s more I could’ve done. This is the kind of thing that will keep me awake tonight when I need to be getting my rest, this and the fear of childbirth, which has stayed at bay so far but will surely sneak up on me at some point.
Then there will be the occasional pinches of sadness that today is the last day D and I will be “me and you, just us two,” and tonight will be the last night, and tomorrow will be the last morning. It’s kind of like senior year of high school, when our government teacher would always remind us when it was our last first day of high school, our last test of high school, our last spring break of high school. What was coming next was so thrilling and so much better, and yet, her reminders always made us feel a little sad for what we were leaving behind.
Earlier today, D and I shared a hug after loading the dishwasher together, and I said, “This is our last day to be just us,” and I teared up a bit just thinking about it. What’s coming next – so, so thrilling and so much better – but still, I’m a little scared to say goodbye to the status quo.
Then D reminds me we’re going from a family of six to a family of seven, if you count all the animals, and it makes me laugh, and I know he will always make me laugh, and soon Ruby will be here making us laugh together all the more.
Edited to add: I’ve had a request for nursery pics. Meant to come back and add them to this post, but I forgot till now!
Click on the pic for the whole album on Flickr: