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Tuesday, December 22nd, 2009
Every time people asked me when we were finding out the baby’s gender, I always said, “On the 21st … I hope, if the baby cooperates.” But I never actually considered the possibility that it wouldn’t. Of course, we’d be able to find out. After roughly one million years of waiting for a child, this one thing would work like it was supposed to, and we’d spy some super-obvious genitalia, and we could get on with the naming and the shopping and the calling of the baby by a gender-specific pronoun.
Oh, how quickly optimism turns to bitter disappointment. We did our best, and it wasn’t enough.
I ate and drank beforehand, which stimulates the baby to move; the nurses tried for more than half an hour to spot something definitive. The baby squirmed and kicked (with real feet!), opened and closed its mouth, stretched and waves its hands (with real fingers!), but every flip and wiggle, however entertaining to witness, was in the wrong direction.
After a few fleeting glimpses of the relevant parts, the nurses finally said they thought it might be a girl, but they were far from certain. There could be no happy announcements (my plans to tell my parents in a cutesy way were shot); there would be no excited, tearful hugs between me and D, no touching of the belly and feeling like we are starting to know the person in there. Everything was still a mystery, just as it has been for the past year and half - or, if we really count from the beginning, the past six and half years.
I pasted on a happy face at the doctor’s office, but in the car I had to struggle not to cry. I know it shouldn’t matter this much. I should just be happy the baby is so healthy and active and has long legs and a beating heart. All the grandmotherly women I know tell me it doesn’t matter a bit and act like I’m silly for even wanting to know.
But silly or not, I do want to know, desperately. Whichever gender, I just want to have this one thing settled. I want to know whether I can buy that baseball cap with an E on it, or whether I should rev up the campaign for the name Ruby. I want to know whether I’ll have a son or daughter - this information will be the beginning of setting my life on one course or another. Whichever it is, I’m ready to get started on that course.
So once I got home from the doctor’s office, I studied the video and the photos from the ultrasound over and over. I analyzed them in comparison with others I found online. And the infuriating truth is, the images are just too unclear.
Another truth? I can’t accept that. I can’t wait four more weeks. As my friend Mandy put it, I had just enough patience to make it to the 21st, and I used all that up. I have no patience left for this. I need to know!
So I got on the internet and researched elective 3D/4D ultrasound providers. I found several in a few-hour radius from here and decided on Chattanooga. Next week, D and I are going to Chattanooga for a mini-vacation, which will include an hour in an ultrasound clinic, where for $150 this mystery will be - I hope - finally solved.
If not, you can find me in the nearest loony bin. With my baby. Whatever it may be.
Too bad about not identifying the sex of the baby. But haven’t you realized to raise a child you will need LOTS of patience? Seriously, think about that and your impatience to know the sex of the baby.
Sometimes life sucks, even when it’s really pretty cool. I know that compulsion to “know” the next step so you can start planning. You have my sympathy.
IMHO, “patience” is a very context-dependent thing, and good gracious, if you haven’t already endured a long enough wait to get to THIS point, then I don’t know what would be.
It is very frustrating when babies don’t cooperate so you can find out what gender they are… I hope he/she is not plotting to be contrary from now on! Enjoy your little fact-finding trip, those 3D/4D ultrasounds are quite incredible! It is amazing how much detail you can see in them, I just hope the baby doesn’t figure out a way to hide the important bits again! Maybe he/she was just feeling shy???
Lest we forget, Cara, I’ve been waiting more than six years to find out this news. I call that pretty darn patient.
I want to know too! I’m glad you guys are finding out next week. Another 4 weeks is too much to bare even for me!
He or she will be frustrating you for the next 18 plus years so why not start now? Good luck next week, it will be a nice way to start your new year! Vacations, for any reason, are always a good thing.
We couldn’t tell with ANY of our 4 pregnancies. So I feel for you.
I hope the 3D one works. Hang in there.
The 3D/4D scans are so much fun! We had one with our last baby and it was incredible to see her face before she was born. It was also fun to compare her photo at 25 weeks gestation with her face after she was born.
We found out the gender with our first two. The first on purpose, the second by accident (it was a boy and it was too obvious even for me to miss). We went to great pains NOT to discover the gender with the third and fourth babies. We loved the mystery. I hope you get to find out soon but, even if you don’t, I hope you enjoy the 3D/4D scan. Boy or girl, getting to see his or her face before birth is just incredible. We had fun looking at that face and trying to guess (we all guessed boy, btw, and it was a girl, LOL).