Monday, December 8th, 2008
We found out the date of our home study – just one week from now! – so the work continues, and my nervousness ratchets higher with each day. Even while my head is fairly confident everything will be fine, my stomach is not so sure.
Today I cleaned up the cluttered living room, and D hung a new light fixture on the front porch ceiling (the old one stopped working ages ago). We keep busy with such projects, and in the between times, I’m too anxious to concentrate on anything. There’s a long To-Do List on the fridge, and there are only two things crossed off it. Our profiles might be going out to potential birthmoms, and one of them might choose us any day. Or we might not get chosen for months. I’m not in a super-hurry – there are still so many things to do around here to prepare for a kiddo – but the complete up-in-the-airness of it all has me pretty much consumed. The only thing that distracts me is getting lost in a book, so I’ve been reading a lot lately. Last week it was One Thousand White Women (compelling) and Twilight (fun).
I’m sure I’ll get used to this waiting thing. Time will make it part of everyday life, and I won’t notice it so much. Then I can get back control of my mind, direct it to think about work and writing and gossip and movies instead of what if-what if-what if-what if. Yeah, I’m looking forward to feeling normal again. I hope it doesn’t take too long.