Thursday, August 30th, 2007
In this week’s Celebrity Death Match, we’re pitting two hard-hitting competitors against each other in a duel for the top prize – being the place where Millie Francis curls up to shelter from the wily winter winds.
In the left corner, we have Swamp Cabin. Built from cinderblocks, scrap tin – and a little pluck and desperation – Swamp Cabin makes up in brute strength for what it lacks in looks. It’s tough, it’s durable, it’s ugly as sin.
In the right corner, we have Log Cabin. Don’t let it’s rustic grace and fragrant cedar aroma fool you, Log Cabin is a tough competitor. It beats back fleas, dampness, rain, cold and heat without discrimination.
The two Cabins fight to the death for the same patch of earth and the same purpose. Only one will emerge victorious.
But there’s one more thing neither competitor is counting on – if Millie has her way, both will be spurned, and SHE will rise to walk on two feet, dominate not only the yard, but the house and then the universe. She will lounge all day in bed barking at doorbells on TV, she will bully the cats, and when she must go outdoors, she will suffer cold, heat and rain just to show she will not be subject to anyone – let alone a mere Cabin.
Just look at the malice in her eyes. They say, “Don’t f*** with me, Cabin! I’m the boss!”