Last week, I finally bought a new welcome mat for the front door. Until now, we never remembered to dispose of the green fake-grass mat the POs left. Every time I went outside to get the mail, I’d see it and think, “Ugh” … and also wonder about what the postman and UPS person must think of us.

If you think about it, your postman/woman must know a lot about you. Imagine each piece of mail as a clue. The catalogs, the magazines, the forms requesting donations for the local fireman’s association. Your postman knows if you are a member of The National Arbor Day Foundation, if you receive a lot of Christmas cards, if you like to shop at Granny Panties R Us.

Because of my eBay habit and general love of online shopping, we receive a lot of packages. Some teeny tiny, some enormous, some light, some heavy (the ones containing the world’s heaviest tp holder, for example).

We get the same catalogs as all our local old-house fiends friends – Rejuvenation, Van Dykes, Renovation Supply. Plus Anthropologie (and its universe), Hobby Builders Supply (dollhouse stuff) and Pottery Barn.

The postman must know that we have gas heat and satellite TV. If he wanted, he could even know the exact amount of our water bill each month and mentally label us frequent or infrequent bathers.

Also, several times a week, he finds the little red flag up on our mailbox and a Priority Mail envelope inside, addressed to someone living in someplace exotic like Delaware or Texas. He must know I sell on eBay. Then I wonder if postal workers love eBayers or hate them.

Maybe postal workers have no opinion about eBayers or water bills or green welcome mats. Maybe the post office is required to hire only non-nosy humans, in which case I’d better steer clear.

But I still want to make a good impression on the postman. I hope he sees this pretty new welcome mat while he’s struggling to heft a gigantic package up onto the porch and thinks, “Hey, these *&@$ lazy @$$holes finally did something right.”

posted by K | filed under Commentary, Finds | 5 Comments


5 Responses to “Hope He Doesn’t Notice the Subscription to Swank”

  1. mindy on February 27th, 2006 12:52 pm

    Great post – and mat ;) I would be a nosy postman too.

    When my brother moved in, he changed his address to the wrong street (West instead of East) and so every day gets mail with those yellow labels that basically say “Change your address to the right street, you lazy piece of….” I’m sure it’s annoying, and I keep wondering if the postman holds it against me, too. I hope not!

  2. Anonymous on February 27th, 2006 1:37 pm

    Love the mat… where did you get it???

  3. C&C on February 27th, 2006 3:12 pm

    Hmmm, good point! I wonder what the postman thinks of our tall water heater box with old lathe in it. Looks pretty shabby, guess we should stop putting off hauling it away. I’m with you, I would not make a good non-nosey postman.

  4. Shawni on February 27th, 2006 5:46 pm

    Loved your story! I always wonder the same about things on my porch before garbage day, you never know what your are going to find there. Great mat!

  5. Kristin on February 28th, 2006 10:09 am

    I got the mat at a local shop that sells lots of overpriced cutesy stuff. :)

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